Love On Delivery

                                                             1994
                                               Director: Stephen Chow
                           Starring: Stephen Chow, Christy Chung, Ng Man Tat

                                                    
 I still remember reading the buzz about 'the new kid" as far back as 1990 (in an issue of M.A.M.A.). Stephen Chow was reportedly as clever as they come and had quickly taken over the Hong Kong box office with his debut comedy, 'All For the Winner'. It was a spoof of the gambler/triad films that were flavor of the month. Well, I never cared much for that genre and as it turned out, I was lukewarm toward Chow's spoof. I felt similarly underwhelmed with the followup, 'God of Gamblers 2' and just plain disliked Fist of Fury '91 (which as the title suggests, was a goof on the Bruce Lee classic). I figured that Chow's brand of comedy simply wasn't for me. Still, I did find myself watching more of his movies just out of curiosity and found a few that I actually liked quite a bit (God of Gamblers 3: Back to Shanghai', 'Hail the Judge', 'From Beijing With Love' and the more recent 'Shaolin Soccer' and 'Kung Fu Hustle') and a few more that I didn't care for ('The Sixty Million Dollar Man' in particular, was a painful viewing experience). O.K. so Stephen Chow films run hot and cold for me. Some I don't care for and some I liked quite a bit, but none quite living up to his 'genius' reputation... with one huge exception...

Released in 1994, 'Love on Delivery' features Chow as a timid delivery boy who falls for a beautiful woman (Christy Chung) who's path he crosses as she attempts to fend off the advances of a sleezy judo instructor. Too physically and mentally weak to properly stand up for her, Chow seeks martial arts tutilage from a crippled kung fu master (Ng Man Tat) who unfortunately, turns out to be a no-nothing swindler who takes the naive delivery boy for all he has while teaching him utterly useless martial arts moves (including riffs on everything from 'The Karate Kid' to 'Ultraman!'). Ultimately donning a Garfield mask (one of the most hilarious images ever captured on celluloid) he challenges and defeats the Judo instructor by basically outlasting him. Wishing to reveal himself the next day, Chow is foiled when he finds every single man in town 'owning up' as the mysterious Garfield hero. Making matters worse, Chung as it turns out already has a beau, a nearly invincible karate expert. Finally making his feelings for Chung known, Chow challenges his rival to a ring match.

It was hard for me at first to pinpoint exactly why this particular film worked so well for me when some other Chow vehicles didn't. Aside from the brilliant superhero riffs, what it seems to really come down to is heart. Chow's delivery boy was a likeable character (whereas I found many of his other portrayals in previous films annoying) and I found myself actually caring about this guy's plight and wanting him to succeed. Chow is actually a very good actor and here he shows that with a well drawn character placed in well thought out situations (ridiculous as they may be) he can be a compelling presence. It certainly didn't hurt that I found the constant stream of sight gags a riot (perhaps this was in part because they were less specifically Cantonese than usual?). Again, seeing Chow appear and do battle in an oversized Garfield mask has to be seen to be fully appreciated. The final boxing match also featured some unusually funny and clever gags (a highlight here is the two announcers with nothing in the ring to comment on are reduced to reading from a Playboy book, substituting the two ring opponents names with those of the two lovers in the book!). I'd also be remiss if I didn't mention the mid film office brawl (where the Karate master first shows what an imposing martial artist he is). The choreography in this sequence as well as it's sheer impact, easily rivals anything I have seen in Hong Kong cinema and shows Chows affection for that genre as well.

'Love on Delivery' is far and away, my favorite Stephen Chow comedy. Admittedly, I haven't seen all of his films, but I can't imagine any being as funny, touching, exciting and clever as this one. It's one of my favorite Hong Kong movies.

                                                                  Rating: 10/10

One By One (aka Kung Fu Powerhouse)

                                                              1973
                                              Director: Leung Siu Chung
                                       Starring: Kam Kang, Yasuaki Kurata

                                                 
Kuo Fu, a notorious drug smuggler, escapes from a chain gang work camp. Problem is, he's still chained to another prisoner who insists on following him even after their chains are broken. Kuo suspects his unwanted follower is an undercover cop and he may be right...

O.K. what we have here is a remake of the controversial classic 1958 American feature, 'The Defiant Ones' with Kam Kang and Yasuaki Kurata replacing Tony Curtis and Sydney Poitier. Not buying it? Yeah, me neither. What director Leung Siu Chung has apparently done is to take the basic idea of two desparate criminals who can't stand each other, but are forced into a tenuous relationship due to a mutual need for survival and used it as a flimsy plot device to showcase his two leads beating the stuffing out of each other and anyone else that gets in their way (mostly cops and rival gangsters). So, is that enough to sustain an entire feature film? Well yes, if it's done as energetically as it is here. The action comes fast and furious, never feeling dull and repetitive as it might have. Despite the deadpan seriousness of the performances, there is also an oddly sadistic sense of humor going on as Kurata keeps coming up with new and unique ways of offing Kam (or at least evading him once their binds have been cut). The overall effect keeps things fairly dynamic and unpredictable despite the very obvious plot device (who honestly didn't see the 'surprise' revalation of Kam's character coming from a mile away?).

Considering that this is basically a two man show, it's a good thing that both stars were up to the challenge and really gave it their all. I've never been much of a fan of Kam Kang, but this is easily one of his most dynamic perfs. Credit the director for seemingly bringing whatever charisma he may have to the forefront. The film however, belongs to Yasuaki Kurata. In this decidedly black comedic role, Kurata as Kuo Fu gets to be both utterly ruthless and to an extent, sympathetic. Despite the fact that the character is ultimately shown to be a true villian, his charasmatic presence is enough to get audiences on his side... at least to a degree. Kurata's formidable lightning fast karate kicks are on full display here. So fast in fact, that Kam and the rest of the cast appear almost sluggish by comparison (what I wouldn't have given to have seen Kurata battle it out with Bruce Lee in a film...).

'One By One' despite it's paper thin premise, adds up as an entertaining basher. At worst, it would make for a solid second bill in a Grindhouse double feature.

                                                                            Rating: 5/10
                                               

That's Money

                                                              1990
                                              Director: Simon Yun Ching
                  Starring: Yukari Oshima, Hui Ying Hung, Max Mok, Ng Man Tat

                                                     
Here's a really fun action comedy. It co-stars my favorite fighting femme, Yukari Oshima and supplies her with one of the best and most diverse roles of her career.

The plot is about as throwaway as it gets. Yukari and Hui Ying Hung (aka Clara Wai) work as secretaries at a detective agency run by Hui's brother (Ng Man Tat) and his assisstant (Max Mok). When Ng's character stumbles upon a large sum of drug money, he finds himself and his employees under siege from the gangsters (the rightful owners of said drug money as you could have guessed).

Director Simon Yun Ching (here going under the alias of Benny Wong... at least I THINK that's the deal) is one of the great underappreciated craftsmen in the 'Battling Babes' subgenre in general and Yukari Oshima's persona in particular. After this, he would go on to make The Osh's two best films, 'Dreaming the Reality' and 'Angel Terminators 2' (both starring fave tag team partner, Moon Lee). He more than anyone seemed to 'get' Yukari's unique talent and ability and displayed them in the most spectacular way possible in each film. Here, he initially dresses her in office attire that includes retro blouse with flowing skirt and spectacles. When she fends off a gangster, she has him cower and crawl under her fully exposed leg. Later in an attempt to rid themselves of a new hire that Hui sees as a rival for Mok's affection, Yukari briefly dresses in butch slick back hair and black leather outfit. She then pretends to 'come on' to her, going as far as feeling her up (!) before the horrified newbie flees. Both disguises are striking and so diverse that you can momentarily forget you are watching the same person. Interestingly, although shown to be the toughest and most dominant fighter of our heroes, it is Yukari that ultimately gets kidnapped, tortured (via spiders and lizards!) and in need of rescuing. Osh manages to make each extreme work perfectly. It really is a shame that she wasn't given more opportunities to display this kind of range. Hui Ying Hung plays off Yukari nicely as her more emotional, slightly less mature, but no less capable counterpart. She doesn't quite give off the same spark with Osh that the aforementioned Moon Lee does, but as a veteran of later period Shaw Bros. classics ('My Young Auntie', 'Martial Club', 'Legendary Weapons of China') she is more than capable in the part. Her distinct kung fu maneuvers contrast well with Yukari's harsh karate.

Though the broad humor doesn't always mesh with the excellent, hard hitting action and violence, 'That's Money' is still in the upper echelon of the late '80s fighting femme series. Seek this one out, especially if you're an Osh enthusiast.

                                                                     Rating: 8/10

The Diabolical Dr. Z (aka Miss Muerte)

                                                              1965
                                                 Director: Jess Franco
                             Starring: Estella Blain, Mabel Karr, Howard Vernon

                                                   
When it comes to Jess Franco, I wouldn't call myself a fan of his so much as a curious onlooker. The man has made so very many films (most of which I'll admit I haven't seen and in some cases, probably never will) that it's almost beyond comprehension. He's made some good movies... and a ton of crap. But perhaps the best thing Franco has ever done (in my casual opinion, anyway) is the fetishistic freak-fest, 'The Diabolical Dr. Z'.

The film opens with the creepy, wheelchair bound Dr.Zimmer pleading with his associates to continue the work of the loathed Dr.Orloff (referencing Franco's earlier and likewise recommended film) in using surgical mind control in order to 'cure' criminals. He is immediately shot down by his peers (one going so far as to call him a Nazi) and promptly succombs to a heart attack. He whispers to his daughter, Imra in his dying wish that she continue with his experiments. She agrees and secretly plots her revenge on the doctors who 'killed' her beloved father. After faking her own death and changing her identity, Imra finds what she feels is the perfect instrument of said revenge in the form of  Nadia aka 'Miss Death'; a night club performer dressed in mostly see through attire with spider limbs covering the naughty bits. Her act depicts her capturing men in her 'web' (literally) and clawing them to death with her unusually long fingernails. Imra has her captured and hypnotized (using dear old dad's forbidden techniques). Dousing her nails with poison, Imra sends the hypnotized Nadia out and one by one she seduces each unsuspecting doctor before dispatching them with her poisonous 'claws'.

'The Diabolical Dr. Z' (actually it's original title, 'Miss Muerte' is much more apt) proves that Jess Franco can make a beautiful looking low budget film when he wants to (something that is rarely in evidence in the 150-plus 'epics' he had done since). Franco uses moody, suggestive B/W photography to supremely unsettling effect. There are many fine set pieces from the opening prison escape, to Miss Death's surreal stage show, to the murder on the train. Franco films these sequences expertly, so much so that you have to wonder if this is the same Jess Franco that is responsible for so many other er, movies.

This film was also the first of Franco's to feature the freaky femme fatale concepts that would be fleshed out (no pun intended) to pornographic extremes in later pics. Here it is merely used as a very kinky plot device. The idea of the sultry female with 'dangerously' long fingernails that both intimidates and attracts men is a well worn concept, both visually and in literature, but the idea to actually feature said appendages as an instrument of death in a movie is truly male fantasy taken to it's most demented extreme. The whole business is handled so bizarrely matter-of-fact that it can make first time viewers' shake their collective heads in disbelief. I know I did...

                                                                  Rating: 8/10

Tai Chi Chuan (aka Secret of Tai Chi)

                                                               1982
                                                  Director: Chick I Hung
                                   Starring: Xian Gao, Liang Guo, Hoi Yin Lee
                             
                                                  
One of my earliest exposures to Mainland China martial arts cinema, thanks to a timely vhs release by Ocean Shores.

An evil general orders an attack on a small clan that had been opposing him. The matriach is killed and only a few survive. These include an ex General and his two sons... who naturally swear revenge. Wrecklessly attacking the a portion of the General's army, the sons watch their father get mortally wounded, but are saved by a Shaolin monk. As he dies, the father explains to one of his sons that he was adopted and that his real father was also a General who was offed by the same baddie. They  swear double revenge, but now are wise enough to go into hiding. They retreat to a secret cave where they can plot and plan. One day while gathering food, the two heroes witness two woman "dancing". Attempting to get a closer look, they are found out. The ladies explain that they are practicing Tai Chi. Their father explains that he too is an ousted General (alot of that going around) and agrees to teach the two vistors this unusual martial art and help prepare to get revenge.

The story is simple and predictable, a little too much so for this fan. But this is how it was for these early Mainland China epics. There was really no originality to speak of. Any fan of the genre has seen this story dozens of times (if not more so) in various Hong Kong and Taiwan lensed features. What does set this (and other Mainland films) apart from it's city dwelling brethren are the breathtaking country side settings and amazing (and plentiful) martial arts sequences, performed by actual lifelong practitioners (as opposed to Hong Kong where many of it's biggest stars where taught expressly for feature films). Although it's flowery Tai Chi and Wushu movements may take a little getting used to at first, ultimately it makes for terrific viewing. Of course as I mentioned in my review of 'Undaunted Wudang', there is a tradeoff of sorts as the very things that make these fighters so impressive also make them less personable. What you'll come away with here is remembering the action scenery, but not so much any one actor (no Fu Sheng or Chen Kwan Tai to be found here) and certainly not the dime a dozen plot (which truth to tell, I needed to rewatch just to remember what the story here was actually about).

Ultimately, "Tai Chi Chuan' will appeal to hard core martial arts film fans and perhaps to actual Tai Chi practicioners as the film is as much a Tai Chi lesson as it is a story bound film. Casual action fans may not be as into it, but for kung fu addicts, it easily serves it's purpose.

                                                                   Rating: 5/10

Empire on Fire

                                                               1988
                                               Director:Maman Firmansyah
                             Starring: Mike Abbott, Atut Augustinato, Nina Anwar
                                              
                                                         
When it comes to perverse action films, few countries can match Indonesia for sheer outrageousness. This entry, 'Empire on Fire' may not feature as much over the top action and gore as say the Jaka Sembung series, but it makes up for it (depending on your taste, that is) with an eyebrow raising display of sexual violence and general bad behavior.

Once again, The Dutch are the enemy as nasty invader, Bogart (Mike Abbott, who made a career out of playing American bad guys in many Hong Kong movies of the '80s including 'Fatal Termination', 'City Hunter' and 'A Better Tomorrow 2' as well as a fair share of Godfrey Ho cut and paste pics) invading the Indonesian countryside with (oddly) his army of local villains. As per the usual pillaging, they kill all the men and rape the women (as one particular shot so graphically demonstrates, showing one soldier leaving a burning hut while fixing his uniform. The following shot shows a woman stumbling from the hut bleeding down her legs!). It climaxes with the beheading of the local leader in front of his surviving people. After the siege, Bogart claims himself king of the land and sells off the survivors as human slaves (what a guy!). Fast forward a few years and the son and wife of the slain village leader break up one particular slave auction in order to rescue one named Mira. They believe that she is the one who can bring down the evil Bogart (exactly why she is the chosen one is not made clear, to me anyway). To 'train' her for this, she is put through all manner of sexual tortures in order to toughen her up so she can withstand Bogart's violent rape sessions. These include laying her on a red hot slab of rock and then pounding her vagina with a slab of wood until she looses feeling in it (I'm not kidding)! After more plot contrivances including another Dutch General whom Mira has had a previous encounter with and secretly wants to kill even more than Bogart, the nasty baddies all get their comeuppance in appropriately bloody and gory fashion.

As you may ascertain from the above plot rundown, 'Empire on Fire' is not a film that's recommended to children... or adults with scruples for that matter. It's depiction of rape (and the heroine's training to withstand it) is so outrageously matter of fact that my brain eventually became numb to it, much like Mira's vagina (yeah I went there... I don't care anymore). What makes the proceedings even odder is the way everything is portrayed. The action (which includes a fair amount of entertaining martial arts battles) are as gory as one may expect, yet the 'violent rape' sequences (there is no nudity in this film, btw) are portrayed as little more than flowery romantic encounters worthy of a love story!

Though the plot gets overly complicated in the second half with at least a couple of characters too many, 'Empire on Fire' still adds up to bizarre, action filled and head shakingly wrongminded entertainment. When it comes to culture shock for this New Jersey native, Indonesian exploitation films can 'shock' like few others can.

                                                                5/10

I Love Maria (aka Roboforce)

                                                               1988
                                           Director: David Chung, Tsui Hark
        Starring: Sally Yeh, John Shum, Tsui Hark, Tony Leung Chui Wai, Lam Ching Ying

                                                    
Producer/Director/Actor Tsui Hark at the peak of his creative output, tackles this oddly lighthearted variation of Paul Verhoven's much darker 'Robocop' with a nod to Fritz Lang's 'Metropolis' (which also featured a robot duplicate of a female character named Maria).

The film follows the ironically named Hero Gang, a villianous organization that threatens to send it's giant transformer robot out to reek havoc on Hong Kong if the city doesn't fork over a ton of cash. With the police helpless, a trio of bumbling heroes go into action. They are an eccentric inventor (John Shum), a newspaper reporter (Tony Leung Chui Wai) and an ex-gang member determined to right his ex-mates wrongs (Tsui Hark). The Hero Gang in the meantime have created another decidedly different robot. This one is patterned after female gang member, Maria (Sally Yeh). This robot is sent after our goofy protags, but it malfunctions and is reprogrammed to go after it's creators instead.

'I Love Maria' is a film with a particularly troubled production history. How troubled? Well the film was originally to be produced by Tsui Hark and directed by David Chung. However at some point near the end of filmmaking, meddling Tsui took over director's reigns and reshot chunks of footage. Exactly how much is uncertain, but it must have been extensive as in the original cut, Tsui's character is not in it! That's right, a major character is wriiten into a film just as it was near completion, yikes! That this is scarcely noticeable in the final cut is admittedly a tribute to Tsui as a director, but it begs the question as to why this was done in the first place. Was the original film that bad or was this yet another case of Tsui the producer forcing his will on one his young director's works (a common theme for Tsui at this stage of his career which for better or worse, must have been utterly maddening for whichever director he placed his stamp on). The end result, is (as would be expected) a pretty uneven affair. The early portions of the film are dedicated to our mismatched heroes through a series of subdued 'Lucky Stars' like misadventures. As usual, I could have done without much of this, but at least the three leads are charismatic enough to make it watchable. Things pick up in the second half however and feature some impressive action setpieces and fun low tech special effects. There is also a good natured feel to the overall film (belying it's problematic production) and this helps make it very rewatchable.

Of the cast, the film belongs to Sally Yeh who turns in a incredible dual performace, possibly the best of her career. Utterly and wonderfully ruthless as the female gang member, she is completely charming and believable as the reprogrammed fembot. (and looking extremely chic as both). She also gets to briefly show off some great martial arts moves which made me realize that she could have had a successful career in the 'Girls With Guns' subgenre if she had chosen to go that route. It also makes me lamment further that her standout martial arts battle sequence in 'Peking Opera Blues' was mysteriously cut out (it can be glimpsed over the end credits).

Overall, 'I Love Maria' is far from perfect. As a comedic robot adventure, it isn't as much fun as 'Aces Go Places 2' and as a superhero adventure, it falls short of 'Super Inframan'. Still it is an enjoyable little sci fi action comedy, just one that feels like it could have been even more. I'll take it as is, though I'll admit that I'm very curious to see David Chung's original cut. But that's unlikely ever to surface.

                                                                      Rating: 6/10